God wants you empty

it’s where He does his best work

Hiiiiiii! I hope you guys had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know that the holiday season can be hardddd, but I pray we’re all finding ways to cling to God and to the people who matter most to us.

I wasn’t expecting to post this, and I really had to take off the wig for this one because God was God-ing. I hope this blesses you🩷.

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It’s not a building you wanna fill

It’s my heart

This empty space

Is what you wanted all along

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Written November 29th.

This thanksgiving was hard. I didn’t realize how hard until I was sitting in my car sanctuary crying this morning. As someone who has found that she can be extremely detached from her emotions, I asked to God to help me feel my feelings. He had a very simple and speedy response:

Bet.

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This past August my grandfather, one of the greatest men I’ve ever known, transition to go be with our Heavenly Father. Thanksgiving was always one of his favorite holidays. His birthday often fell a couple days after. This year it fell on his birthday. November 28th. It’s like God wanted us to know just how intentional He is. My grandfather might have left his physical body, but his spirit was definitely with us on this day.

my grandfather & him and my grandmother

I knew that this holiday would be challenging. I was expecting the grief. I just didn’t expect it to manifest the way it did.

I wasn’t just feeling grief for my grandfather. I realized I’m grieving from the fact that my life is in a major transition period. I don’t know or understand everything that’s happening or why it’s happening. It very apparent to me that many things have changed, and nothing will ever be the same again.

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I’m completely single. I’m unemployed. I’m friendless.

This time last year I was none of these things.

I’ve grown enough in my relationship with God to understand that these things have all stemmed from my growth in faith and my proximity to God. Last September I told God I wanted to be self-employed, so he opened the door for me to leave my job. I’ve rededicated my life to God, so obviously the people who don’t align with that and don’t fit into God’s plans for my life have to be removed. One thing about me, I’ve never had a problem looking at things objectively. However, it’s not always easy for me to see how the facts of my circumstances affect my feelings.

While I spent time with God today, there was only one emotional realization:

This sucks.

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Before I continue….

Can we just pause and take a moment to talk about how CUTE I looked yesterday. One thing imma do is put a fit on. A verse I love in the Bible is when Jesus tells people that when they are fasting, they should wash their faces and anoint their heads (Matthew 6:17). No I was not fasting, but this is a sentiment I cling to. Just because you’re going through something challenging doesn’t mean you have to look like it. I might have been in a little bit of a funk, but you wouldn’t have known that. As the saints like to say, “I don’t look like what I’ve been through”. Like girlllll go spruce yourself up. Don’t look busted and disgusted. Look like the Lord’s been good to you, because He has.

Okay, back to the real reason I’m here.

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This past Sunday my pastor said something that I had heard plenty of times before, but it struck me in a new way. The strike didn’t come in Sunday Service. It came this morning.

Facts don’t equal truth.

When you’re looking at your current situation you’re simply looking at facts, you’re not necessarily looking at what is true. The Holy Bible says “Sanctify them in the truth [set them apart for your purposes, make them holy]; Your word is truth.” (John 17:17 AMP). This was part of a prayer Jesus prayed on our behalf before He was crucified. He wanted us to have the opportunity to know the truth in the midst of all the trials we would face in this world.

The facts are I’m not where I thought I would be during this time in my life. It’s not that I had some grand plan for my life at 23, but I didn’t imagine being here. I’m sure we’ve all felt that way.

The truth is that, if I look back over this year, I’ve experienced a level of peace and joy that I’ve never experience before. The transition to this point has been taking place all year, and the truth is that God has been with me the entire time.

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While I was pouring my heart out to God, He reminded me of the song Come Again by Elevation Worship and Maverick City Music. I haven’t heard this song in what feels like forever, but it used to have me in a holy chokehold. I sat in my car and played the song with my head bowed and hands lifted. I was surrendering my emotions to the only person who could help me.

As crazy as it may sound, I felt this sensation come over me and it felt like God was holding my right hand. He held it the entire song. I couldn’t help but feel like a little girl who knew she had the unwavering support of her father.

Maybe it was God. Maybe God lent me my grandfather’s spirit for a few minutes because I had been sitting in my grief. Maybe they were both there. The truth is, I wasn’t alone, and I knew it.

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There were two lines in the song that stood out to me the most. The first, “You love when I’m empty”. I believe God needs us to get to a place where we have nothing so that He can show up and be everything we need. No one else could have comforted me in that moment like Him. No one truly knows what I need like Him. He knows that, and sometimes I think He wants me to see if I truly know it as well.

The second line was, “I’m what you wanted all along”. You know what? God is probably one of the only people who truly loves you without all the bells and whistles we put on for everyone else. He loves you without the wig on, with your nasty morning breath, and before you take that shower you should’ve taken 2 days ago.

He loves you completely single, completely friendless, and completely unemployed. We think we need certain societal requirements to be worthy of love and attention. God loved you before He knew you.

How did we get so lucky?

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When I returned back into the house I wanted to rush to come write, but God stopped me in my tracks. I noticed that one of my favorite comfort shows was on television: Living Single. I smiled and basically ran into the living room.

women of living single

In a way it seemed like God was using this show to let me know that everything would work out in my favor. The show centers around 6 young black people finding their way through friendships, love, and their dream careers. One of the central love stories, Synclaire and Overton, is a story of patience and endurance. Multiple characters have plot lines that have them questioning what it is they really want to do with their lives. The friendships are tested and tried, but they remain the cornerstone of everyone’s journeys.

I took this as one of God’s winks. The fact is that life isn’t where I thought it would be right now. The truth is it will all work out.

The truth is that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). The truth is that there is a season for everything under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3:1). The truth is that no weapon formed against me will prosper (Isaiah 54:17). The truth is that God orders all my steps, so it’s pointless to try to figure out everything (Proverbs 20:24). The truth is that God delights in every detail of my life (Psalm 37:23). The truth is that the Lord will never leave me or forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). The truth is that I will have many challenges in this life, but I can be confident and filled with joy because Jesus has already over come the world (John 16:33).

Emptiness brings miracles. So imma buckle up because God is about to blow my mind.

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God, show us that you are good in every circumstance. Help us to find peace and joy in knowing that you are with us. That you even go before us. That you’ll never leave us. Engrave the truth, your truth, onto our hearts.

Amen.

Revelation reflection: What areas of emptiness are you fighting that you need to surrender to God?